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Holy Humor
The cartoon below will
change every week....Stop back often.
Church Bulletins
They're Back! Those wonderful Church Bulletins! Thank God for church
ladies with typewriters.
These sentences (with all the BLOOPERS ) appeared in church bulletins or
were announced in church services:
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The Fasting & Prayer Conference includes meals.
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The sermon this morning: 'Jesus Walks on the Water.' The sermon tonight:
'Searching for Jesus.'
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Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It's a chance to get rid of those
things not worth keeping around the house. Bring your husbands.
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Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our community. Smile at
someone who is hard to love. Say 'Hell' to someone who doesn't care much
about you.
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Don't let worry kill you off - let the Church help.
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Miss Charlene Mason sang 'I will not pass this way again,' giving
obvious pleasure to the congregation.
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For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery
downstairs.
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Next Thursday there will be tryouts for the choir. They need all the
help they can get.
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Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in the
church. So ends a friendship that began in their school days.
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At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be 'What Is
Hell?' Come early and listen to our choir practice.
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Eight new choir robes are currently needed due to the addition of
several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones.
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Scouts are saving aluminium cans, bottles and other items to be
recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children.
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Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased
person you want remembered.
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The church will host an evening of fine dining, super entertainment and
gracious hostility.
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Potluck supper Sunday at 5:00 PM - prayer and medication to follow.
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The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of every kind. They
may be seen in the basement on Friday afternoon.
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This evening at 7 PM there will be a hymn singing in the park across
from the Church. Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin.
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Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at 10 AM. All ladies
are invited to lunch in the Fellowship Hall after the B. S. is done.
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The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the Congregation would
lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next
Sunday.
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Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 PM. Please use
the back door.
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The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet in the Church
basement Friday at 7 PM. The congregation is invited to attend this
tragedy.
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Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First Presbyterian Church.
Please use large double door at the side entrance.
IT DOESN'T HURT TO HAVE A LITTLE BIBLICAL HUMOR ONCE IN A WHILE...
Q. What kind of man was Boaz before he married Ruth?
A. Ruthless.
Q. What do they call pastors in Germany?
A. German Shepherds.
Q. Who was the greatest financier in the Bible?
A. Noah. He was floating his stock while everyone else was in
liquidation.
Q. Who wasthe greatest female financier in the Bible?
A. Pharaoh's daughter. She went down to the bank of the Nile and drew
out a little prophet.
Q. What kind of motor vehicles are in the Bible?
A. Jehovah drove Adam and Eve out of the Garden in a Fury. David's
Triumph was heard throughout the land. Also, probably a Honda - because
the apostles were all in one Accord.
Q. Whowas the greatest comedian in the Bible?
A. Samson. He brought the house down.
Q. What excuse did Adam give to his children as to why he no longer
lived in Eden?
A. Your mother ate us out of house and home.
Q. Which servant of God was the most flagrant lawbreaker in the Bible?
A. Moses. He broke all 10 commandments at once.
Q. Which area of Palestine was especially wealthy?
A. The area aroundJordan - the banks were always overflowing.
Q. Who is the greatest babysitter mentionedin the Bible?
A. David. Herocked Goliath to a very deep sleep.
Q. WhichBible character had no parents?
A. Joshua, son of Nun.
Q. Why didn't they play cards on the Ark?
A. Because Noah was standing on the deck.
PS. Did you know it's a sin for a woman to make coffee?Yup, it's in the
Bible. It says "He-brews".
KEEP SMILING!!!! GOD LOVES YOU BUNCHES AND BUNCHES!!!!
Friends are God's way of taking care of us.
...Faith, Hope & Love -- but the greatest of these is LOVE.1 Corinthians
13:13
This was written by an 8-year-old named
Danny Dutton, who lives in Chula Vista, CA. He wrote it for his third
grade homework assignment, to "explain God." I wonder if any of us could
have done as well ? [ ... and he had such an assignment, in California,
and someone published it, I guess miracles do happen !]
EXPLANATION OF GOD
"One of God's main jobs is making people.
He makes them to replace the ones that die, so there will be enough
people to take care of things on earth. He doesn't make grownups, just
babies I think because they are smaller and easier to make. That way he
doesn't have to take up his valuable time teaching them to talk and
walk. He can just leave that to mothers and fathers."
"God's second most important job is
listening to prayers. An awful lot of this goes on, since some people,
like preachers and things, pray at times beside s bedtime. God doesn't
have time to listen to the radio or TV because of this. Because he hears
everything, there must be a terrible lot of noise in his ears, unless he
has thought of a way to turn it off."
"God sees everything and hears
everything and is everywhere which keeps Him pretty busy. So you
shouldn't go wasting his time by going over your mom and dad's head
asking for something they said you couldn't have."
"Atheists are people who don't believe
in God. I don't think there are any in Chula Vista. At least there
aren't any who come to our church."
"Jesus is God's Son. He used to do all
the hard work, like walking on water and performing miracles and trying
to teach the people who didn't want to learn about God. They finally got
tired of him preaching to them and they crucified him But he was good
and kind, like his father, and he told his father that they didn't know
what they were doing and to forgive them and God said O.K."
"His dad (God) appreciated everything
that he had done and all his hard work on earth so he told him he didn't
have to go out on the road anymore. He could stay in heaven. So he did.
And now he helps his dad out by listening to prayers and seeing things
which are important for God to take care of and which ones he can take
care of himself without having to bother God. Like a secretary, only
more important."
"You can pray anytime you want and they
are sure to help you because they got it worked out so one of them is on
duty all the time."
"You should always go to church on Sunday
because it makes God happy, and if there's anybody you want to make
happy, it's God! Don't skip church to do something you think will be
more fun like going to the beach. This is wrong. And besides the sun
doesn't come out at the beach until noon anyway."
"If you don't believe in God, besides
being an atheist, you will be very lonely, because your parents can't go
everywhere with you, like to camp, but God can. It is good to know He's
around you when you're scared, in the dark or when you can't swim and
you get thrown into real deep water by big kids."
"But...you shouldn't just always think of what God can do for you. I
figure God put me here and he can take me back anytime he pleases.
And...that's why I believe in God."
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